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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I have been bullied...

No stitching post either no photo today.
Sorry about this post, if you don't want to feel blue, please skip reading this, but if you could just listen to me, please let me confess to you how I have been treated by my MIL...

I'm wondering how the relationship between you and your MIL, or you and your DIL in your country?

In Japan it often to be a big problem, maybe because most of MILs are excessive meddling? I don't know exact reason, though... Most of my friends are complaining about their MIL, though most of them are very small things TO me.

My MIL is... a quite extreme, strong-minded and very mean person (at least TO me), I don't know why she can be so mean this much, it's unimaginable...
For example, I've heard that she have sprinkled water onto a neighbor's dog just because the dog have kept barking.
And when my son was a baby, we were at PIL's house and she was tired physically, and so she took my son's nursing bottole by force and said "Go back home!!", even though my son was having milk at that time...

As basis of their sense of values, all they need is money, high social standing, diploma ism, good looks, etc...
So they judge people just by those their sense of values.
I remember when I've met them before my husband and I married, they said to me "ugly" or "unrefined" in a roundabout way...

They were hoping to have a beautiful DIL like an actress for their favourite son...

Basically they don't like me because I'm not beautiful, not from a rich family, graduated from normal college, they always look down on me and my family.
But I believe that I have beautiful heart, I'm from a warm family, I spent very wonderful time at college, I was proud of my work, and at least I know what the love is.
But it doesn't matter for them at all, of course they don't listen to me, if I talk about something they don't know, they just ignore me.

My MIL have keep saying to me not to have any more babies, I just don't understand why... maybe because she is jealous?
She always speak in a commanding tone, and said to me "A weak person like you can't even raise a child nicely"...
How can she be so nasty? Why should I be bullied?
She says about me as strange person, because she saw how I adore my son, and even said to my son "Your mum is very strange!"...


She is very tricky, she doesn't show her true character in front of other people, so my husband couldn't understand of what I say about her, even though I cried and told him so many times before.
I realised that she tells my husband how I am wonderful, that's why my husband couldn't believe how she treats me like this.

But about 2 years ago, finally she gave herself in front of my husband and FIL.
Because she was completely refuted by me, she shouted down on me in front of them.

That was horrible, 70years old lady shouted down, that was vulgar so much, but that's what she really is like.

Recently my husband finally understood what I'm keep saying about her, and so protects me.
So now they don't like us, not only me, they don't like their son...

And on the other hand, my husband's older brother became a secretary to the famous politician, so they are now crazy about him.
That's what they really are like.

These are just the tip of the iceberg.
I have never met such silly parents before in my life, but c'est la vie... I've got them as my PIL...
Actually I became ill because of her bullying thing...
I still have been taking medicines, she changed my life.
I know people would say "ignore her" or "be strong" etc... but to have kept been saying terrible thing to my face, I just loose control of myself and become not confident, and sometimes I don't know the meaning of existence...

I want to be more strong and tough, I want to ignore her existence, now I have been trying to be strong a little by little.

Soon the new year will come, I feel depressed thinking about it, because in Japan the new year celebration is one of big event, and we have to gather at PIL's house.
As thinking of horrible PIL, I miss my mum and dad (he has passed away just a month before our marriage...) terribly...

While I was very down, I met Cross stitch and blog, and they make me forget about depressed feeling, and moreover I could make so many wonderful friends in the world!
So cross stitch and blog meant to me so much.


Thank you friends for your warm hearts, you cheer me up so much.
I don't know why I wanted to confess about this, but this was just a big secret of myself.
I do really hope nobody else have been in this kind of situation like me.

Thank you so much for listening to me.
I appreciate for you all...


49 comments:

Dorothy said...

Dear Yuko,
I'm so sorry you're MIL is so miserable to you. She must be a very unhappy bitter woman! You are a warm and caring person, and if she can't value you, then it is her loss! Try not to take what she says to heart! Hugs, Dorothy

Annie said...

Sounds like a very bad situation. It's not uncommon in the US for bad relationships with in-laws to occur. But yours seems to be extreme.

You seem like such a warm, caring person. I can't imagine why your MIL doesn't see this.

Hope the venting made you feel a bit better. And hope you can learn to ignore your MIL, hold your head high, and be proud of who you are.

Anonymous said...

Hi Yuko,
I look at your blog every single day, since I discovered it which was 2 weeks ago! Do you want to know why? Because I was naturally drawn to your blog because it shows what a wonderful, beautiful person you are! I do not have a blog of my own, I just like to look at yours because it inspires me to be more like you! I can see through your blog your heart and soul!

I am a very strong Christian woman and I will pray for your situation! Prayer will truly help your situation. I will pray for God to give you strength and for Him to soften you PIL hearts and to love you.

You inspire me, Yuko! Strength and courage and love be with you!
Amy from Oklahoma

Tanya said...

Dear Yuko,
MILs have a hard time letting their sons go when they get married and it isn't you she is mad at, upset it, mean it - it would be ANYONE her son married. I do believe this. She will most likely feel this way forever and you can't change her. I am sorry to read that she is so nasty to you and I am glad that your husband stands by you in these times.

I also think that other generations can't understand how close mothers are with their children these days. I know they were close before but I think sometimes mothers are extra close these days. I know I am with my boys and my own mother, at times, doesn't understand the closeness. It's a jealousy - sad to say but in your case I think it's very similar.

I've had bad problems with my MIL too and it's just a tricky relationship.

Hang in there, sweetie - you are a dear one and thank you for sharing this part of you with the blogging community. Vent anytime.

Hugs,
Tanya

moomoo said...

Thank god your husband finally see your MIL true colour... and stand by you. The love of your family will steer you thru the trouble water. Show your MIL how happy you are and is not 'beaten' by her criticism. Cheers.

xstitch.nl said...

I think Dorothy said it perfectly, Yuko!! And how wonderful that the blogging/stitching community can give you some comfort and happiness!

Anna van Schurman said...

I know that our cultures are different when it comes to behavior toward others, but my mother faced many problems with my grandparents as well. For us it was easier (or maybe just different) because we just didn't visit them. But there were many years when my mother would spend Christmas alone because she didn't want to face their criticism. One time I remember my grandmother making fun of my mother's parenting skills even while she acknowledged my sister and I were the best behaved grandchildren! It is impossible to understand the inner workings of mean and petty people. I wish you strength.

Irene said...

How awful this must be for you. Your MIL probably doesn't know any different. Not to make excuses for her, maybe she was treated that way. Whatever it is, know that you are not alone in this. My BFF thinks she has the wrost MIL in the world and I would agree with her. Thankfully your DH stands by you. Just think after New Year's all the great stitching you will be doing and maybe this will pull you through that time.

Pumpkin said...

Yuko, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having with your MIL. To be honest, I think a lot of wives have the same problems. Some are lucky to get a nice MIL but I think deep down, all MILs are protective of their boys. Hang in there :o) ((((HUGS))))

Little Rabbit Miniatures said...

Hi Yuko,
I am so sorry to see you being put down by your MIL. Its natural for us to want to be loved ( or atleast liked and respected) by the mother of the man we love. But from my Mums experience with her MIL and my experience with my MIL this will not change no matter how many years or kindness from your part. The most important is to not let her go between you and your husband. That way, its only her words to you and not causing problems with your husband. You once wrote me a letter back to an email of mine, you are so warm and friendly and make people feel good, so dont dwell on the unchangeable and concentrate on the things that make you smile. with many hugs
Michelle

staci said...

{{HUGS}} I'm so glad you found blogging (and that I found you!) There are so many of us who enjoy your words and drool at the exquisite and creative work you do.

I'm glad that your husband has finally been able to see what you've been going through...I'm sure the three of you make the sweetest family :)

Jennifer said...

Yuko, I am so sad for you. Your blog reveals you to be a warm, generous, caring and sweet person, and for your MIL to be so mean to you is simply not right. It's a very difficult situation, as you don't want to put your husband or your son in a bad position with them, but you absolutely must remember that YOU are NOT the one doing it. She is, and someday she will live with those consequences. You have tried, tried, and tried again to be a good daughter in law, and that's all anyone can ask of you. SHE is the one that is poisoning the relationships around her. Not you.

I am very very very lucky to have a good MIL. Sometimes she gets under my skin, but that happens. She has two sons, and she loves me and my SIL as if we were her own, but my poor husband has a terrible MIL. My mother is very similar to yours, and we've decided that it's best not to associate with her. It's made our lives much easier and better, and sometimes, you just have to let go of people that do you more harm than good.

(((Hugs)))

Jennifer said...

I meant to say that my mother is very similar to your MIL, not your mother.

karenv said...

{{{{Yuko}}}} I'm sorry your MIL is giving you such a hard time. It sounds like she has to belittle you to somehow make herself feel better, which is sad. I'm glad that your husband finally has realised what is happening and I hope you know that you are much loved and appreciated by our online stitching/blogging community. Take care.

Vaida said...

It's sad, but it happens so often.. And in different cultures the situation tends to be the same - I do understand you, as I've been through similar situation myself. It's good, that your husband is on your side. The easiest way - to spend as less time with MIL as possible. I know, it's difficult for you, but your MIL is not the whole world - and you ARE a nice and warm person!

Marnie said...

Yuko-I am so sorry your unhappy MIL has gotten to you. I have other friends who have had similar situations and I think it happens when the MIL loves the son so much that she can't bear the fact that he loves another woman as much or perhaps more than he loves her. When children enter the picture, it usually gets worse, because his attention and affections are spread even thinner. Try to limit your time with PIL and focus on your hubby and son for awhile. She will realize she is fighting a losing battle. You are strong and beautiful and extrodinary and you have a friend in West Virginia praying hard for peace to come to your family! Lots of hugs and warm thoughts!

Susan said...

Dear Yuko, first of all {{{hugs}}} - don't worry about venting here - that's what blogs are for!

I'm so sorry your MIL is a nasty person - I can imagine it's more difficult for you because you don' have your own parents around, and it would be nice if your MIL could be some kind of substitute - I'm sorry that that is not the case.

I think the others have hit the nail on the head - your husband was their favorite son, so no matter who he married, they were bound to be disappointed.

Hold your head up, and know that you are loved by your husband and your son, and that we in blogging land think you are pretty terrific, too.

More {{{hugs}}}

Dora said...

Yuko,
I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been dealing with. I know from reading your blog that you are a beautiful, caring, warm person AND an inspiration to many.

Keep stitching and blogging!!
In my prayers,
Dora

Melissa said...

Dear Yuko,
I am very sorry to hear how this is affecting you. You are a very sweet and kind person, as was evident when you emailed me yesterday because I was looking for the BBD Chart. I would say your MIL/PIL are very much part of the culture and of that generation. I am originally from your part of the world (not Japan but close!) so I can identify with it. It's a good thing your husband has realized what the real situation is and you can finally be on the same team, so to speak. There are miserable people everywhere that try to drag other people down - please don't let them get to you. I know it's hard but you know there is a saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. By experience and age I can tell you it's true. Take comfort in the many friends you have in Blogland, as is evident by all the support here for you. Take care! (Email me anytime)

Lillie said...

Dear Yuko
Bear in mind that you are not alone,I think both our cultures are quite similar. Being married, we married into the family and will have to endure the MIL and her family without any choices. Be strong.

Cindy said...

Dear Yuko,

I am so sorry to hear about how your MIL treats you!

You *do* have a kind heart...and it is a shame that she does not realize that. Keep your chin up, girlfriend...be yourself, and be proud of it...surround yourself with those who appreciate what you value, and keep a safe distance from those who do not. There are some people who you just cannot please, no matter what you do!

(((HUGS)))

Joanie said...

Dear Yuko,

Reading your blog reveals that you are a very sensitive, generous and kind soul.

When I read your post, I was very sad. You are a woman of worth, you are raising a wonderful son and love a husband who supports you and values YOU!

I know it's very hard not to feel down and bad when someone who is family is mean to you and is not supportive of you and the home you've made. Focus on the blessings of your husband, son and the life you've made together.

And as everyone said before, you are special and beautiful and you have touched many lives ALL AROUND THE WORLD! How cool is that!

Wishing you peace, blessings and hugs and keeping you in prayer in New York... :-)

Olenka's Stitches said...

Dear Yuko,
The reason of your MIL's meanness is that she sees what a wonderful person you are, much better than she is. She is jealous because her favourite son left her for you! She treats you like this to make you weaker and less attractive to your son hoping he will be back with her. She is just selfish and stupid.
If I were you I would never go to see her again, especially on Christmas - you've deserved a wonderful holiday with your family. Just show her you are stronger than she is.
HUGS,
Olga

Ele said...

My dear Yuko,
no embroidery today - it doesn't matter, you have to speak about your problems!
Sorry, I can't understand all, beacause I don't know the words MIL, PIL, FIL... but I know, that you are a heartly person...

I whish you all my best and a better time

Gabriele

Sally said...

Yuko I am so sorry to hear how your MIL treats you and it is so sad. As others have said this sort of thing happens a lot in lots of countries. Lots of mothers think that their sons ( and even daughters) have chosen to marry someone who is not good enough but no matter who it is she would probably still think the same. You are a wonderful, kind hearted person and you clearly love your husband and son dearly and are a good wife and mother. Don't let her get you down {{{{hugs}}}} I am one of the lucky ones as I had a wonderful MIL and I miss her so much ( she died 9 years ago).

tammie said...

hiya yuko.. i feel for you and i am proud that you felt confident enough to bring yourself to tell us what worries you. This is a great place to air your worries, stresses and what upsets you andyou have many wonderful friends inthe world. PIL sound very nasty to you but if i could i would try to see them as little as possible. For your sons sake as well because if she belittles you in front of him or says these nasty things to him about you then he will end up mimicking her. Can you not celebrate new year with just your family i mean your husband son and perhaps a few friends. I know they are your husbands parents but noone should treat poeple the way they do.. i had a Mil that was really nice but my x-husband hit me in front of her and she told methat i should have been quiet and done what i was told so i did not speak to her and divorced my husband. Anyway i hope that life treats you well you are a lovley a gorgeous person outside and in put a photo of yourself on this blog so everyone can see how beautiful you are. love to you and your family

prayer for you.

tammie.

Nancy said...

I love you Yuko! I have never met you, but you are one of the dearest souls I have ever known. I can tell by your posts and emails that you are a very gentle and sweet person. Your MIL sounds like an unhappy and bitter person, and maybe deep down inside her heart she longs to be the sweet soul that you are. It sounds like you love the important things in life and that she cares for the things that are unimportant.

Yuko, when my husband and I were first married his family treated me the same as your husband's family treats you. I know exactly how you feel. Now my MIL is 85 years old, and she is sweet to me. But, my FIL is very mean to me. I can not even go to celebrate the holidays with my husband's family because he is always so mean to me in front of everyone. It hurts, but I know that he is the one that is miserable, not me. You just have to know that you are not guilty of anything. And, your son will grow to know that he has a wonderful and loving mother by the way you treat him.

I think your presence has made the world a much brighter and better place. If a lot more people were like you, wouldn't this world be much sweeter? Yes, I think so!

It is hard not to let these things bother you, but I hope with time you will feel much better. I think venting is important, and maybe this is the first step to feeling much better. Take care of yourself, and I am sending you hugs of love and friendship.

Rachel said...

Yuko,

I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time with your MIL. I hope in the future she can see what a lovely, caring person you are.

I wish she would read your blog because then she would realize that you are a beautiful individual who cares about many people in addition to your family.

I love reading your blog because the love you feel for your family and all of your stitching friends is evident by your words! Everytime you post a new project that you are working on for yourself or as an exchange, I can see the love you put into the project!

Please feel free to vent to us in the future! I'm glad that your husband stands by you. Just know that all of your stitching friends are with you too!!

Sending you many hugs ^__^

Carol R said...

I wrote a really long post for you yesterday and Blogger lost it! But what I wanted to say is that you are a beautiful person, inside and out Yuko. You do not have to put up being bullied by your MIL and I am pleased that your husband supports you. It is PILs loss if they cannot see what a lovely person you are.

I hope my son's future new wife will think I am a good MIL! I stayed friend's with his first wife even though she hurt my son badly with what she did to him but she is still the mother of my grandchildren and I would not like a bad relationship to affect them. His future wife is a lovely girl and we get on really well.

Your stitching blogger friends love you and your little family and if you like I can be your surrogate MIL!

Margaret said...

Oh dear Yuko, our families are what we should be able to count on above all else, so it is VERY hard when this situation happens. There will be a time when your PIL will need you, and of course, being the warm ands giving person you are, you will do all you can to help them.

All any of us can do when bullied is hope and pray that people will see that they would hate to be treated that way and that they change. "Kill them with kindness" as the saying goes. It's hard to do this, especially when they continue to hurt you and those you love the most. You and your husband and son should start your own family traditions for New Year and not go to PIL - invite friends that have no family to be a part of your family for the day so they have someone to celebrate with!

I hope you know how much happiness your bring to me and others with your beautiful work and stories about your son and husband and your days. I always enjoy seeing what you've been up too! Know you are in my thoughts!

Wendy said...

I understand how you feel, Yuko, although I didn't have the severe MIL problems that you described. But remember that you are truly loved and valued by your husband and son and I hope you can find the strength to remember your beauty and worth with their support.

Lili said...

Yuko...
I do understand how you feel.
You could visit the link hereunder to see a sample of what my mil has done to me.
http://anothercrossstitchaddict.blogspot.com/2007/06/meaning-of-dreams.html
Over one year ago, I have decided that I would not let her bully me anymore. And as it is impossible for me to see her and stop that because DH doesn't want me to be "mean" to her, I don't see that woman anymore. She's out my life. She comes every two weeks with dinner for my DH and my kids, and I stay upstairs in my bedroom. This is my own private moment for myself. When I come down, she's gone, everything is clean in the kitchen, and that's it.
I will see her once more in my life: when she's dead, so I can make sure that she is. I might pinch her or may be bring a needle with myself to check... Lol! This is how much I hate her.
You could stop the bullying. As Margaret says, start a new tradition for your own little family. Just let them down. It's not easy but I don't have a single regret, even though the people who know disapprove of me. I'm protecting myself. Thais is it. Protect yourself, be stronger than her. Your DH married YOU, not her: you're stronger.
And I hope all the support you get here will make you even stronger. The important part is to not let her destroy your relationship with your DH. Just ask to stay out of it, tell him how she destroys and hurts you and ask for protection. Don't fight about her: be the one that your DH should protect, to whom he should be faithful.
Take care,
Lili

Tammy said...

Yuko, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Your MIL sounds like she is mentally unstable, and I wish you didn't have to have contact with her. DO NOT put up with her treatment of you. Just looking at your blog and your needlework, I know you're a beautiful woman who is kind and caring. BIG HUGS to you!

Andrea said...

Yuko, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. From reading your blog I feel you are a very articulate, loving and caring person. I'm glad your DH has finally realised what you have been going through. I think your MIL is so jealous of your family life and your outside interests that all she can do is put you down all of the time. Take care dear Yuko and take care of your family, that is all that matters, your DH and son.

angelasweby said...

Dear dear Yuko,
I could feel myself getting so angry and tight inside all the time I was reading your message. This is just the way a bully works and your MIL sounds like an expert. She must be a very bitter and very unhappy woman, and, if you want to enjoy one thing in this terrible situation, you can enjoy knowing that SHE is the unhappy one and SHE is the insecure one and SHE is the jealous one!

Your MIL sounds like a very shallow person. She is so busy looking for rich, glamorous people with high social standing that she is not interested in looking deeper at what is good and kind and special inside. Because of this she is missing the treasure that she has in her life.

I know how hard it must be for you to have to be near her and all I can say to you is to be strong and show her she cannot hurt you. This is the way to fight her. This is the way bullies are defeated. Don't let her spoil your beautiful life. You have a wonderful husband (who now knows the truth about his mother ) and a beautiful son. You have a loving mother and you have skills and talents that make us all go ahhh every time we check your blog! You are kind and generous and very very caring, all these qualities plus many many more.

Yuko, you have touched us all with your message, look how many people have written much more than they ever write. We all wish we could come over and hug you and support you. You brighten our days with your blog.
With warm affection Angela

Nina said...

Dear Yuko,
it is a bad situation.
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles :( I don't know you well and a long time but I know you are a really kind and loving person.
I wish you all the best and believe thing gonna be better soon. I keep my fingers in crosses for you :)

And...
I selected you to playing a game and wanna invite you for it.
Please visit: http://xszemkozt.blogspot.com/2008/10/kipczve-to-be-selected-playing-game.html
Thank you!

Take care!
Big hugs!
Nina

Julie said...

I'm sorry your MIL treats you so badly Yuko, i wonder if maybe she is jealous of the love and kindness that comes so easily to you and you share with others. Perhpas part of her wishes she was more like her wonderful DIL
{{hugs}}

Jurga said...

Oh, Yuko, I'm so sorry, it's a very difficult situation... I feel that you are very warm, friendly and gentle person. It must be very hard for you. Take care of yourself! Hugs!

Marie-P said...

Do not let you MIL get you down. Maybe she should view your blog so that she can truly appreciate how very talented you are and how much you are valued, appreciated and liked in the blogging world. Keep your head up. :)

Laura said...

Dear Yuko,

You are not alone in this...many, many people have a problem like this. I wish I could come to your home and give you a big hug right now!

I know it takes a lot of strength to stand up for yourself; but I am glad that you are able to do that for yourself, your beautiful son, and your husband.

Thank goodness for your blog and your beautiful stitching! I think a hobby like cross-stitch is a saving grace. It really calms and soothes the soul.

Your blog is a highlight in my life and I look forward to your beautiful words and pictures.

Sending all good thoughts to you!
With Love,
Laura Duet
Downers Grove, IL, USA

Julianne said...

Hello Yuko,

I'm sorry that I have not read your blog this week until this moment.

I am very sorry you have a nasty MIL but she sounds like a sad and miserable person. Keep reminding yourself on the joy she is missing by not developing a loving relationship with your son (her grandson).

Please Yuko don't allow her to take this joy away from you by making you so upset at her nasty ways. Keep your focus on your husband and your son and your true friends.

You are such a loving and caring person. You have a big heart, and you truly reach out to people. Keep on being you, and try as best you can to develop empathy for your MIL.

Theresa said...

Dear Yuko,

I didn't see your posr until today, and it almost made me cry. I can feel your pain in your words, and I just want to say, I can tell you are a very warm and loving person just from your blog.

Like Michelle said, I also think the most important thing is not to let your PIL between your husband and you, and just ignore what your MIF says about you, cause it is not true at all. don't waste your energy at being mad at her, she is not worth it.

We all love you here, and care about you very much. Cheer up and take care!!
{{Hugs}}

Theresa

Anonymous said...

Dear Yuko

I was in yr situation years ago. I tried to please everyone eventhough i was hurting. So one day i said to myself enough is enough. The very person i'm going to please was my husband and the rest can go to hell as far as i'm concern. Surprisingly enough when u showed that you're strong and didn't care what other people think, they started to look up on you and even respected u for that. I showed them i liked who i am and their opinion didn't matter. love Sherry frm Malaysia

wayne said...

I have just read your post and i think your MIL is a evil bully to be treating someone so nastily what gives her the right!

I would stay away from her as much as possible and when you do have to see her i would not interacte with her to much and if she has anything nasty to say just walk away from her.

she is obvously not a very happy woman and take her unhappiness with herself out on others!

I have been with my partner for 12 years and i do not have a good relationship with his mother, she has said some nasty things but never to my face but i know what she thinks of me, and she always brings race issues into things.

I think your blog is lovely and love looking at your photos.

Artystitches said...

I have just read your post and i think your MIL is a evil bully to be treating someone so nastily what gives her the right!

I would stay away from her as much as possible and when you do have to see her i would not interacte with her to much and if she has anything nasty to say just walk away from her.

she is obvously not a very happy woman and take her unhappiness with herself out on others!

I have been with my partner for 12 years and i do not have a good relationship with his mother, she has said some nasty things but never to my face but i know what she thinks of me, and she always brings race issues into things.

I think your blog is lovely and love looking at your photos.

Lennu said...

Oh dear Yuko, I'm so very sorry to read this! I know I'm a bit late in commenting into this post, but I just wanted to let you know that it's not right to treat anyone like that and I'm sorry for you. It's good that your husband now knows the situation and protects you.

I really love your blog and it's always wonderful to come for a visit here. You're SO talented in stitching, I love everything you do!

Cindy F. said...

Yuko,
I've never met you, but this email shows you have such a beautiful soul. I am so sorry and saddened you have had to endure so many hurtful things from your MIL.
I was telling my dh, he is Chinese, and he said a lot of it is the old Asian way of women. He says she's probably never felt love by anyone. I think she is jealous of you and your life. A life she doesn't understand. Hers is about rules and structure. Yours is more unconditional, trusting, adventurous:) This will only make you more devout in being a good mother and wife and you will never be like her...bitter, angry and distrustful. Don't let her make you bitter. You stay who you are. I'm so glad you're dh finally saw how she treats you. Your boy is precious and I would avoid putting him and yourself through the stress of being around her...except for big family gatherings. Avoid alone time:) You don't need her approval, but I know you'd like her blessings. You may never get them, but know we either accept people the way they are or choose not to be around them. I'm sorry, the mother hen in me has come out. I wish I could hug you and make your heart smile! Hey, you inspire so many people in more ways than you know! You've inspired me.... to stitch more and no matter how ugly people can be, I won't be like them!
Cindy Fong/Texas/USA

Stephanie said...

Yuko - I'm so saddened to hear that you and your MIL don't really get along - this is obviously very stressful for you and makes you very unhappy. I am glad that your husband now knows that it's like for you and is protecting you, even though this has cost him his relationship with his parents. You are wonderful, generous, beatiful soul and I know it's very difficult to remember this in the onslaught of constant criticism, but keep thoughts of all us blogging friends you love you dearly near your heart this New Year, and know that you are loved and appreciated by not only us but your gorgeous son and husband :) Hugs to you my friend
Stephanie

Stephanie said...

Yuko - I'm so saddened to hear that you and your MIL don't really get along - this is obviously very stressful for you and makes you very unhappy. I am glad that your husband now knows that it's like for you and is protecting you, even though this has cost him his relationship with his parents. You are wonderful, generous, beatiful soul and I know it's very difficult to remember this in the onslaught of constant criticism, but keep thoughts of all us blogging friends you love you dearly near your heart this New Year, and know that you are loved and appreciated by not only us but your gorgeous son and husband :) Hugs to you my friend
Stephanie